Canceling Plans Once Again Due To My RA

So as I sit here feeling totally depressed after making plans once again and not being able to go I hate that people think I’m a flake.  I remember back in my younger days, I would just kind of flake out and decide to do something else.  Now as a 40 year old woman with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I don’t have a choice but to flake out most days.

My name is Tamika and I want to start a blog about my rA Survival and what I go through each day.  My wife has been begging me to do this for over a year but for whatever reason I haven’t been doing it.  It’s not like I do much else.  I lay around and go to work as much as I can and when I’m not working I’m sleeping.

Anyway, tonight the reason why I think I’m starting this is because my heart is broken.  Michelle, who is my beautiful wife, we have been together for 7 years and we’ve been married for one, but we’ve known each other for 14 years.  She is very understanding of my RA and never really pressures me to do things and never really pressured me to go out, but then there are those occasions when she’d like to go out and she’d like to go do things my body always tells me no and it always just seems to happen when she wants to do something.

I spent the last few hours bawling because I wanted to be there with her and go out with her and her friends, but I couldn’t get up.  I could NOT get up!  That is the most horrible feeling – to be with someone and want to spend time with someone and not be able to do it.  She told me she understands, and I know she does, but it’s heartbreaking to put her thru  that time and time again.

So I sent her there by herself this time.  Michelle rarely goes by herself, but I think she really wanted to go, and  I really wanted her to go to but I just feel like complete and total  shit, and it doesn’t help that I’m in pain, and it doesn’t help that I feel sick, and it doesn’t help that I’m tired.

I don’t know what will come of this and I hope that it helps a lot of people, and I hope it helps me because  I probably think that this is probably the worst that I’ve ever felt as far as my emotional ra this is right up there with the physical ra.  I’m going to probably try to go back to sleep, but I really felt like I needed to say something right now.

I will be doing something on a regular basis to post on my blog.  If you guys have any questions or any concerns about what I’ve been doing or I would definitely love to pick your brains please feel free to contact me alright thank you so much for everything and thank you so much for listening have a good night bye